


lonely in my own bones

by Luckless_Salmon



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Byleth is too caught up in her own feelings, Dimitri is losing his mind as usual NBD, F/M, Fluff, Jeralt is being the Good Dad we all know him to be, Pre-Time Skip, Some mercenary doctor played her, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 18:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20457401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luckless_Salmon/pseuds/Luckless_Salmon
Summary: She was sweet for him, like honeysuckles and wine. That didn’t make an unplanned pregnancy any easier.





	lonely in my own bones

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that in this AU, the events in the game are spread out over a longer period of time, but birthdays remain the same (for instance, Dimitri's birthday is still in month 12 but Jeralt doesn't die/Monica doesn't reveal her satanic face until a few months later). This is mainly b/c I wanted Dimitri to be 18 and the timing just worked better.

She had informed him of their predicament one night during the Pegasus Moon. Dimitri had come to her door just barely past midnight, hair disheveled and nightclothes damp from sweat. His presence was a familiar one, the first step in a dance they performed quite often; he would have a nightmare of flames and beheadings and death before seeking her out for comfort. Byleth, always too happy to indulge her favorite student, would welcome him into her room with open arms and gentle touches. 

This evening was different; her movements were stilted, uncomfortable in a way that Dimitri noticed immediately.

“Professor, is something the matter?” he inquired softly, reaching out to cradle her hand in his own. The difference in size was striking, even though Dimitri was far from being full grown. “If there is something on your mind and you wish to be alone tonight, I will take my leave. The last thing I want to do is burden you with my presence.”

Byleth tried to focus on the warmth of Dimitri’s palm, how he stroked the side of her hand with this thumb. She was shaking- trembling like mad- but knew she needed to be honest. It would hurt him more in the end if she chose to keep him in the dark. 

“Dimitri...” she muttered lowly, feeling a bit faint as her eyes fluttered shut. “It seems that we are going to be parents.”

—

Their meetings had started out as platonic, only evolving to something more once Dimitri had passed his 18th birthday; following a month of carefree romping, passionate sex with little thought to potential consequences, Byleth had found herself at a physicians doorstep.

With trepidation nibbling at her consciousness, the young woman had purposely avoided going to Manuela; she may have been sheltered from certain parts of the human experience growing up, but sex certainly wasn’t one of them. She knew of the potential detriments, was aware of how sinful lying with one of her students would seem to bystanders, but she had been told-

“I’m not really sure who told you you were infertile,” the balding man in front of her remarked blandly, pulling a rubber glove from his hand with a sharp ‘crack.’ “But they were clearly wrong. Congratulations young lady, you are pregnant.”

Byleth felt her mouth go dry.

—

“Jeez kid, I’m too young to be a grandfather,” Jeralt had grouched one day; he had been reclined on the monastery’s dock, watching as Byleth pulled one fish after another from the pond. It was early evening, with the sun just barely still peeking over the horizon. “Who the hell do I need to beat up for knocking up my little girl?”

She had flinched at his tone, feeling her father’s sharp gaze bore into the side of her skull. “I’m not sure what you mean, dad.”

“Bullshit you don’t know what I mean,” Jeralt replied far too quickly; after growing up practically hanging from the man’s hip, Byleth could recognize the emotion in his voice as irritation. “Your mother had the same gait when she was expecting, carried her weight in the exact same spots as are you are now. Don’t take me for a fool, Byleth.”

If anyone was the fool in this situation, Byleth knew it to be herself. In a series pathetic attempts to hide her affliction from her students and colleagues, she had allowed her guard to fall around the person who knew her best. Of course her father would notice how she had begun to take her meals in her room, how her tastes had shifted from lean meats and brandy to heavy cheeses and potatoes. Jeralt was known as an astute mercenary, and an even more doting father.

Rather than reply, Byleth chose to stew in the harshness of her father’s words. There were a dozen implications- most negative and chiding- but she supposed she deserved them. She had made her bed, and now she had to sleep in it.

There was a hearty sigh; Byleth felt the dock bob under her feet as Jeralt approached.

“Listen, you don’t gotta tell me if you don’t want to,” he stated evenly, resting his hand on her shoulder. “But be careful, okay? There’s a lot more to these kids than you would think at first glance.”

There were a million more insinuations in such a statement, but Byleth chose to instead focus on the feeling of her father’s hand: steady, stable, strong. 

“Thanks dad,” she finally muttered, turning to embrace him around the middle. “It means a lot.” 

“Of course,” Jeralt replied, wrapping one arm around Byleth’s shoulders and ruffling her hair with the other. “That’s what dad’s are for.”

—-

Finally after two weeks of avoidance, of glancing in the opposite direction as they passed in the halls, Dimitri finally sought her out. Byleth had been seated at one of the library’s many large tables, grading the tactics worksheets she had administered to her class earlier in the day. She could sense his presence easily, but the way he was shifting from foot to foot on the edge of her peripheral vision was especially difficult to miss.

She waved him over with a single hand, not bothering to look up from her work as Dimitri slid into the chair closest to her right. For several minutes not a word was spoken, only the scratching of Byleth’s quill against parchment and the sniffling of a random monk audible; the tension in the air, however, was practically palpable. 

“I have given much though to our... situation over the last few weeks,” Dimitri finally began, voice low. “I-I am a bit apprehensive, but happy nonetheless.”

Byleth registered her hand stilling before the words had fully sunk in. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” the blond responded, icy blue eyes fixed on the hands in his lap. “I am a man fully capable of taking lives, so I should be just as prudent in caring for those I have created. It is only right.”

Byleth snorted, cynicism clearly dripping from her words. “There is no decision that is black or white in this world, only those in shades of grey. Do not bother involving yourself with the child only because it is right; I would prefer he or she have no father than a deadbeat one.”

“I-I didn’t mean to imply- I mean I would never-,” the prince stammered , cheeks flushing rosy pink. “I promise to be a good father to this child, regardless of circumstance.”

Sighing, Byleth shook her head at the floundering young man. “I’m sorry, I know what you are trying to say, I’m being purposely difficult.”

Then, a pause.

“I appreciate your willingness to support a baby you didn’t ask for.”

The Faerghusian prince said nothing in response, preferring to direct his gaze towards the tactics worksheets scattered on the table. As Byleth returned to grading, Dimitri watched with mild interest, interjecting every few minutes with a question or comment about one of his classmates answers. The situation was comfortable, reminiscent of times they spent together before her... condition.

After some time had passed, as the stack of graded papers began to outweigh that of the ungraded ones, Dimitri made an inquiry that caused Byleth’s breath to catch in her chest.

“Professor, m-may I touch your stomach?”

She glanced over at her students face, which was burning a bright red. Dimitri appeared nervous but determined, biting his lip in the way he always did when particularly concentrated on a task. It was... rather cute, if she was being honest with herself. “You may.”

Byleth felt Dimitri place his calloused hands against the small paunch of her belly. His fingers were trembling, but warm against her skin, comforting in a way that she never believed possible.

“Wow, it’s so taunt,” the prince whispered, eyes wide in awe. He was rubbing circles into her skin with his thumb and it took all of Byleth’s willpower not to lean against his shoulder. “I’m a bit surprised, but I guess I don’t know all that much about pregnancy.”

Byleth hummed noncommittally, allowing Dimitri to continue gawking at her tummy as she returned to grading papers. Perhaps it was due to the hormones ravaging her body or the lack of physical intimacy for the past weeks, but at that moment, she thought this could be what Love felt like. 

—

The feeling didn’t last for long. With her father’s passing, grief had consumed her every waking moment. Manuela and Hanneman were more than willing to cover her teaching duties as she scarcely moved from her bed; the fact that this was often due to intense nausea rather than anguish was a secret Byleth chose to keep to herself. 

Then, there was the ritual at the Goddess’s tomb. She had watched in horror as Dimitri became unhinged, how deviously he had smiled while snapping a man’s neck with a single hand. They rarely had a moment to speak alone with how hectic life at Garegg Mach had become, but Byleth couldn’t claim to be upset. Once, while comforting Ferdinand about the loss of his family’s position in the Empire, she had seen the Faerghusian prince standing in a dark corner, muttering to himself about the most gruesome methods of mutilation. She was concerned for his wellbeing, certainly, but her father’s warning echoed in her mind. 

_ ‘There’s a lot more to these kids than you would think.’ _

She had seen the cracks in Dimitri’s facade before of course, the way he tore his lance into training dummies with just a bit too much force. There were a plethora of men and women she had met like that in her life, though; consistent famine and war had a tendency to do that to people. Dimitri hadn’t seemed odd when they first met, but now...

She preferred not to think about it.

—

The night before the Empire’s invasion, Byleth found Dimitri waiting for her outside of her personal quarters. He was dressed in a plain tunic and pants, feet bare on the cool stone floor. While he seemed to be unaffflicted by the usual nightmares that brought him to her room, she knew better than to make assumptions... especially with him.

“Dimitri,” she greeted cautiously, reaching to fish her room key out of her back pocket “It’s rather late, you should be asleep.” 

“I could say the same to you, Professor,” the blond replied blasély, a teasing smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “It seems as if we are fated to meet only in the darkness of night.”

Byleth nodded, fitting the key into the lock and turning the mechanism with a flick of the wrist. Before she was able to heave the door open herself, Dimitri had moved to hold the heavy oak open for her.

“I was actually hoping we would be able to talk about... things,” he admitted lowly. His eyes were fixed on her swollen stomach, now hidden under a baggy shirt. There had been rumors of course, but with all that had been happening, most residents of Garegg Mach had been focused on other matters. Byleth could more easily deal with a teasing comment about her newfound interest in conservative clothing than one about weight gain. 

“Certainly, um, let me just lock the door,” she muttered, motioning for him to move aside. Instead, he dislodged the key from her vice grip.

“Why don’t you go sit down, Professor,” Dimitri suggested, motioning towards her bed. “I’m almost certain your body aches, and you must be well rested for tomorrow.”

By the time Byleth had settled herself against the numerous pillows of her bed, Dimitri had already returned to her side. Without asking for permission, he had settled himself on the edge of her mattress, resting her right leg in his lap. 

“I would humbly request that you remain by my side in tomorrow’s battle,” the blond remarked after some time, using the butt of his hand to grind into the knotted muscles of Byleth’s calf. “I would like to ensure your safety above all else.”

Byleth barely bit back a satisfied groan at the younger man’s ministrations. “I am able to take care of myself, you know. Besides, as a crown prince and my student, your wellbeing is paramount to my own.”

Dimitri hummed thoughtfully; he repositioned himself so as to more easily reach the muscles closest to Byleth’s ankles, slowly working his way up towards her knees. “That may be true, but you are important to me and heavy with my child. Even if I were to pass, the future of Faerghus would still reside in you. Perhaps a future that is brighter than what I could provide...”

“Do not speak so dourly about yourself,” Byleth began to chastise, “you will continue to grow and do great things for-“

“Byleth,” the blond man ground out, squeezing her leg just a bit too hard. “Promise me above all else that you will stay safe tomorrow. Promise to stay by my side.”

Although Dimitri had directed his gaze at the floor, Byleth could feel the desperation and anguish rolling off theman in waves. With each passing moment, his finger dug deeper and deeper into the flesh of her leg; the blond had taken a similar approach when snapping the neck of the Adrestian soldier in the Goddesses tomb. He had waited until the warrior had expelled all of the air in their lungs, until only a thread of consciousness remained in the soldiers head to finally cease the torment. 

“Dimitri, you’re hurting me,” Byleth finally whimpered, attempting to wiggle her way out of his grip. “Please let go.”

The prince, startled out of a seemingly dark trance, released her leg immediately. “M-my apologies Professor, as my headaches grow worse so do my moments of dissociation. I did not mean to hurt you.”

Byleth nodded, retracting her leg towards her body. “It’s fine, just be careful.”

There were several moments of awkward silence before the blond stood. “I-I suppose I should be going. Please consider what I said, Professor.”

Byleth forced herself to smile, but knew it wouldn’t reach her eyes. “I will. Goodnight, Dimitri.”

“Goodnight, beloved.”

Byleth felt her face flush as the blond fled the room, cheeks equally as rosy. 

‘_Beloved, huh?’_

—-

Nothing had gone to plan. There were too many casualties, not enough healers, and a number of unplanned Empire reinforcements. Byleth had been separated from Dimitri early in the battle; as she had sprinted towards the left flank, ungracefully tugging Mercedes along , the white hot rage burning in the prince’s gaze was obvious.

—

“It seems as if I must go,” Rhea mused from her perch on the highest balcony in Garegg Mach. Byleth, standing directly behind, bowed her head.

“You know what must be done, my child,” the archbishop stated evenly, moving to tilt the younger woman’s head up with a slim finger. “Do not cry. This must be happen for the sake of students,the people of the church... and your little one. I leave it to you.”

—

_‘I’m doing what must be done,’_ Byleth thought as she launched herself towards Rhea; it took very little effort to jab the Sublime Creator Sword into the chest of one of the many beasts latched onto the dragon, likely due to its godly origins. 

_ ‘I’m doing what must be done, I’m doing what must be done, I’m doing-‘ _

With a smooth swing of the weapon, another beast fell. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear Dimitri screaming her name like bloody murder. 

_ ImdoingwhatmustbedoneImdoingwhatmustbe- _

The phrase played over and over again in her mind as if it was some sort of mantra; years later, she would note that it was actually more like a broken record unable to move past a certain point in the track. Perhaps that’s why she didn’t see Thales appear, didn’t hear Rhea roaring her name until it was too late. 

_I’m doing what must be done,’_ Byleth muttered as she plunged into the depths of the valley surrounding the monastery. _‘It’s best for everyone this way.’_  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came from a small piece I wrote called Consequences in which in was ambiguously implied that Byleth may or may not have been pregnant prior to the time skip. While I see these two universes to be separate, I really enjoyed the idea; initially this was meant to be another drabble in the series but it got so long I decided to make it its own piece. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy.
> 
> P.S. Like a big NERD I had to pull out my physical FE3H calendar to figure out the season names in the game bc I couldn't find them on the web. WTF isn't the internet supposed to have everything?


End file.
